Mad, PO and more...

Okay, the last few days have been from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other...tears to anger...and then angry tear. My poor, poor hubby has been completely understanding and took a tip from the last time I was like this...okay 28 days ago (hint, hint)...he listened to me while I cried on the phone today. Here is what he learned from last month...He didn't try to SOLVE my problems. He empathized!!! I couldn't have been happier in retrospect, but I couldn't see his improvement at the time.

Then my brother (who I talked to briefly today) called back tonight and only said that he loved me and thought I was doing a great job at being a Mom. He knew too! 

I must have been really weird today! 

My problem you ask? Well, there are several. Women are like onions...we have layers (ode to Shrek).

1. I am burnt out. Mommies get just plain tired of cleaning up, doing laundry, wiping bottoms, being crawled on, and giving constantly, etc. You must be thinking...Sarah, make time for yourself. It is easier said than done. I struggle finding a balance with the kids, my beloved hubby and myself. Most women do, right? I never want to "dump" my kids on the husband. I don't want to be a selfish person. I truly believe that our society paints a "me, me, me" or " I, I, I" image. "What have you done for yourself today" rather than "what have you done for others today". I realize that I must strike a balance in my personal life, but it is easier to make excuses than to follow through with striking out on my own. Eric never thinks twice about taking the kids when I need a break...never. He's great!

2. I miss my friends...all of them. Now I know that sounds childish, but hey...a girl needs her peeps! My hubby also put this into perspective too. He is on a roll I tell ya! He said that of course I'm lonely. I left some great friends back in MN. The newness has worn off of our new city and now we're settling into a normal pattern. 

I remember this feeling well when we moved last time, but I only had one child and my mother on the other end of the phone. We talked daily about EVERYTHING. She listened to my concerns. She encouraged me to explore my new surroundings and to use my "great personality" to meet others. Thus I embarked on some lifelong friendships with two great cheerleaders in my back corner (Mom and Hubby). 

3. Speaking of my Mom...I miss her terribly too! Since her passing in 1/07 I am evolving into my new life without her. It takes more time than outsiders think. She was not only my mother, but my best girl friend, counselor, supporter, interior designer, grandmother, etc. I get angry when others balk at how tearful I STILL get when discussing my mother. Healthy or unhealthy...I will never get over the loss of JLPS. She was an undeniable treasure to mankind. Period.

4. Keeping my loss in mind, I find it much harder to approach people. I am much more judgemental, self conscious and uncertain about myself. I thought I'd become a stronger person because of my mother's death. I was hoping to be inspired by her strength, determined spirit and unwavering moral self. Now I find myself unable to make a decision and stick with it...some days. I second guess others intentions and read into too many things. I procrastinate much more and it is a trait I despise in others. If this isn't a therapy session online I don't know what is...???

So, what will I do with my anger, you ask? Get some sleep...something that I am lacking these days. I am amazed what some decent sleep does for my emotional state. Plus, I will take a deep breath, give myself a break and realize that friendships don't happen overnight and to enjoy my kids while they are still young. Did I miss anything? Oh yeah, get out on a date night with the hubby...getting dressed up makes a girl feel special, right?

Don't worry...this too shall pass and I will feel better in about...7 days! ;-)

Can it really be true?

I've searched the aisles of notebooks, pencils and folders for the "right" thing while weaving through a sea a people on the same mission. I've rechecked the list, emailed the teacher and labeled all of the supplies. We attended the "Meet the Teacher" night, collected all of the paperwork and packed the backpack. I can't believe the day has arrived... 

THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!

You might be scratching your head thinking, "Isn't it still summer?" Well, technically you're right. Summer doesn't end for quite a while, but our public school district runs on a year around program. Something that is new to us, but exciting at the same time. Basically the students are in school for nine weeks and off for three weeks. Summer has a six week break, but it goes FAST! They have been a "year around" system for over 40 years. It started when the district formed years ago. Everyone I've talked to loves it for many reasons. The teachers rave about how well it works for their teaching techniques. Plus it seems to help the students stay "fresh". 

So, our eldest ventured off into another year of elementary bliss. Our middle child will have another year at preschool while the "baby" enjoys one day a week at a "mother's day out" program. 

You would think I'd have time on my hands, but in reality our routine has made my mini-van my second home. And I work hard not to sign up for too many activities to maintain our sanity, but nonetheless we're on the go like most families. 

So, raise your "cups of joe" to another school year. Homework here we come!!! 

Cheers - S