I've decided that it WILL be a good day...

When I rolled over this morning, I saw the 6:15 am flashing on the clock.  I decided to sneak out of bed, unload the dishwasher, make coffee and have 45 minutes of utter silence before our day started. Now, mind you, 10 years ago, 6:15 am could have been a bed time for me instead of a "wake-up" time, but I am not going to complain about that...yet!

So, much to my demise "little E" decided she would join me for my EARLY morning ALONE-QUIET time. If you know little E, quiet does NOT exist in her vocab. I was bugged, but scooped her up trying to think of how to distract her so I could continue on with my plan of cleanliness and caffeine. 

However, when her little hands cupped my cheeks and with her blue eyes to my blue eyes she said, "I love you Momma," I knew I was sunk. How could you say no to a morning of snuggling on the couch with cartoons??? It was hard I tell ya ;-)

So after we concocted her morning milk fix and my coffee IV. We hit the couch, played an episode of Blue's Clues and I sank into the largest sectional you've every seen! During our snuggle session I decided that I would make a decent effort to listen to my children before flying off the handle (I'm really good at that); realize that I won't get IT all done today (whatever that means) and do my best to make our morning go smoothly. 

Guess what...IT WORKED! I seriously had those "count to 10 moments", but I decided to take a deep breath before reacting. I even got the dishwasher unloaded, a lunch packed, kids dressed, breakfast x's 5 made and started laundry. My grand plan to get a shower didn't fit into that plan until later in the day, but M got off to school with a smile on her face and high 5's from her bro and sis. I was two cups of coffee into my morning and felt a sense of satisfaction rather than anger. I was able to decide what I should do next instead of what I can't get done.

However, this was not a foreign concept to my being...

In school, I was a competitive athlete and held a few leadership position. The concept of positive thinking needed to be apart of me if I wanted to be successful. My parents were great examples of it. However, somewhere along the way, I shrugged it off in early adulthood thinking I didn't need it anymore. My brain was being subjected to too images of "oh poor me". I became victim of negativity. So, I ask you, does the glass really have to be "half full"? 

Why YES IT DOES! I have been struggling with the "glass half empty" for months now and when I made a conscience effort to have a GOOD DAY...it WORKED!!! It wasn't perfect, but it was a much better morning because I decided it would be...not because it just happened.

A little elbow grease always makes things better, right? Well, I will do the same tomorrow and see how it turns out. I know I am doing myself a favor and setting a much better example for those gorgeous blue eyes that watch my every move...

Mad, PO and more...

Okay, the last few days have been from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other...tears to anger...and then angry tear. My poor, poor hubby has been completely understanding and took a tip from the last time I was like this...okay 28 days ago (hint, hint)...he listened to me while I cried on the phone today. Here is what he learned from last month...He didn't try to SOLVE my problems. He empathized!!! I couldn't have been happier in retrospect, but I couldn't see his improvement at the time.

Then my brother (who I talked to briefly today) called back tonight and only said that he loved me and thought I was doing a great job at being a Mom. He knew too! 

I must have been really weird today! 

My problem you ask? Well, there are several. Women are like onions...we have layers (ode to Shrek).

1. I am burnt out. Mommies get just plain tired of cleaning up, doing laundry, wiping bottoms, being crawled on, and giving constantly, etc. You must be thinking...Sarah, make time for yourself. It is easier said than done. I struggle finding a balance with the kids, my beloved hubby and myself. Most women do, right? I never want to "dump" my kids on the husband. I don't want to be a selfish person. I truly believe that our society paints a "me, me, me" or " I, I, I" image. "What have you done for yourself today" rather than "what have you done for others today". I realize that I must strike a balance in my personal life, but it is easier to make excuses than to follow through with striking out on my own. Eric never thinks twice about taking the kids when I need a break...never. He's great!

2. I miss my friends...all of them. Now I know that sounds childish, but hey...a girl needs her peeps! My hubby also put this into perspective too. He is on a roll I tell ya! He said that of course I'm lonely. I left some great friends back in MN. The newness has worn off of our new city and now we're settling into a normal pattern. 

I remember this feeling well when we moved last time, but I only had one child and my mother on the other end of the phone. We talked daily about EVERYTHING. She listened to my concerns. She encouraged me to explore my new surroundings and to use my "great personality" to meet others. Thus I embarked on some lifelong friendships with two great cheerleaders in my back corner (Mom and Hubby). 

3. Speaking of my Mom...I miss her terribly too! Since her passing in 1/07 I am evolving into my new life without her. It takes more time than outsiders think. She was not only my mother, but my best girl friend, counselor, supporter, interior designer, grandmother, etc. I get angry when others balk at how tearful I STILL get when discussing my mother. Healthy or unhealthy...I will never get over the loss of JLPS. She was an undeniable treasure to mankind. Period.

4. Keeping my loss in mind, I find it much harder to approach people. I am much more judgemental, self conscious and uncertain about myself. I thought I'd become a stronger person because of my mother's death. I was hoping to be inspired by her strength, determined spirit and unwavering moral self. Now I find myself unable to make a decision and stick with it...some days. I second guess others intentions and read into too many things. I procrastinate much more and it is a trait I despise in others. If this isn't a therapy session online I don't know what is...???

So, what will I do with my anger, you ask? Get some sleep...something that I am lacking these days. I am amazed what some decent sleep does for my emotional state. Plus, I will take a deep breath, give myself a break and realize that friendships don't happen overnight and to enjoy my kids while they are still young. Did I miss anything? Oh yeah, get out on a date night with the hubby...getting dressed up makes a girl feel special, right?

Don't worry...this too shall pass and I will feel better in about...7 days! ;-)

Can it really be true?

I've searched the aisles of notebooks, pencils and folders for the "right" thing while weaving through a sea a people on the same mission. I've rechecked the list, emailed the teacher and labeled all of the supplies. We attended the "Meet the Teacher" night, collected all of the paperwork and packed the backpack. I can't believe the day has arrived... 

THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!

You might be scratching your head thinking, "Isn't it still summer?" Well, technically you're right. Summer doesn't end for quite a while, but our public school district runs on a year around program. Something that is new to us, but exciting at the same time. Basically the students are in school for nine weeks and off for three weeks. Summer has a six week break, but it goes FAST! They have been a "year around" system for over 40 years. It started when the district formed years ago. Everyone I've talked to loves it for many reasons. The teachers rave about how well it works for their teaching techniques. Plus it seems to help the students stay "fresh". 

So, our eldest ventured off into another year of elementary bliss. Our middle child will have another year at preschool while the "baby" enjoys one day a week at a "mother's day out" program. 

You would think I'd have time on my hands, but in reality our routine has made my mini-van my second home. And I work hard not to sign up for too many activities to maintain our sanity, but nonetheless we're on the go like most families. 

So, raise your "cups of joe" to another school year. Homework here we come!!! 

Cheers - S

Ahhhh...let's relax...a little

I can't tell you how "secretly" relieved I was to find out that our baseball/softball games were cancelled today. My eldest was too ;-) You know why we're relieved? Since moving to our new home this spring we've had something scheduled EVERY weekend since our arrival. I'm not joking! Family celebrations, visitors, bbq's, games, practices, weekend weddings, etc. It is great to be busy, but a it can be a sigh of relief to have "time on your hands" too. 

So, this morning I'm not gulping down my coffee to rush out the door. My eldest is painting next to me while I write. The middle one is watching Scooby Doo happily in his mismatched pj's and my youngest is still sleeping. Joyous!

SLSK

Celebrating death with life

So, Eric and I have had a "rough" 18 months. We've both lost parents under different circumstances within a three month time span. Some people don't have close relationships with their parents and I must say that we can't relate. In essence, Eric and I lost our best friends when his father and my mother passed away. Some say that it will get easier with time, but I say that somedays it gets harder. Although the "sting" subsides...the loss will always remain.
In the midst of our grief, there is much joy and celebration to enjoy. In fact, Eric's family started a golf outing to honor his father, Greg. This Memorial Day weekend marked the 2nd annual event with 94 golfers in tow. Not only that, but we had family and friends alike decend upon our small town in Iowa which made for a weekend full of laughter, tears and fantastic memories. 

The weekend consisted of a community band event, the golf outing, a large family dinner and dance as well as time in the hotel pool with the little ones...I think we counted 40 kids at one point. I am sure we missed a few ;-) 

Many thanks and kudos go out to Eric's sister and husband as they were the driving force behind this event. Without their direction...we'd be sitting in Iowa starting at each other.
So, although we've lost two precious souls in our lives, Eric and I agree that we are grateful for what we have...three beautiful children, a good job and a roof over our heads. The rest of the details are just perks!

Any yes...that is the Pope's hat on Eric's head while I am wearing bunny ears. No party is a good party unless it is a themed party. This year's theme was "hat" party!

What REALLY needs to get done?

So, it is another wild and crazy Friday night at the Kraus' house! After a very long week full of kids' activities, Eric's work events and "life" I have found myself wanting nothing more than to watch a "chic flick" by myself...in the most comfortable jammy pants I own and not talk to anyone, but...

There are the evening's dinner dishes calling my name...maybe even a few (or more) things left over from yesterday...making the task a little more daunting. And laundry...always laundry. My cousin, Michelle, stated in an email several months ago that "laundry is the gift that keeps on giving". She is a genius ;-)

In my house laundry is a chore that haunts me when I sleep and when I am awake. I can NEVER get on top of it! I swear, Eric's stuff alone takes up three to four loads weekly. (Mental pic...the man is 6'8'' and over 299 lbs...you can only imagine how big his clothes are ...therefore...they take up a lot of space in the washer;-)) Plus I should sort out the paperwork (school notes, bills, cards to mail out, etc). It goes on and on...right?

I have a wonderful husband who helps me out whenever I ask...which the "asking" can drive you nuts on the wrong days, but nonetheless he is willing to help put the kids to bed, help with homework, put away dishes, etc. I have heard horror stories from other mothers that make me grateful he is a hands on Dad. So, why is it I feel like I am fighting an uphill battle daily to get it all done...not just the chores, but enriching my children's lives with the simple pleasures of coloring with them, reading to them and holding them?

I know our society has raised the stakes of the "perfect" family. The "perfectly" decorated home. The "perfectly" decorated children and the "perfectly" decorated marriage. It is a game that I could get caught up in and sometimes I find myself on the verge of jumping in with two feet, but then reality hits...no way...who's got the time? I can barely get a shower some days!?!

So it is with great pleasure that I am announcing...jammy pants here I come...when does the movie start?

Night!

Where to begin?

So life with kids can be a "barrel of laughs" or time for a barrel of beer?!? In the process of parenting with a traveling husband I've discover lots of new things about myself and my kids. Today's topic is "LIMITS"...
Evie has NO limit as to how many times she can watch Blues Clues. It is her favorite. She sings the songs and tries to mimic the actions as well as any 22 month old can. She also LOVES to repeat everything...names are her favorite topic. Several times a day we have to go over where everyone is at. For instance...Nannie (Maddie) is at school; Whoa (Grogan) is downstairs, Daddy is at work, Momma (usually right next to her) and Evie...she never forgets herself as she proudly pats her chest.
Grogan has NO limit to the amount of Cheetos he can consume in a day. Not a fact I am proud of, but the boy inhales them when he gets a chance. That is something I try to limit, but hey...I admit I like a Cheeto now and again too. Grogan also has NO limit when it comes to Spiderman. He is PASSIONATE about his favorite superhero. He can recite lines in movies, mimic Spierman's famous poses and he truly believes he has webs like Spidey. He also carries his trusted Spiderman mask everywhere...to bed, to the store and even tries to take it in his pocket to school. He has frightened a few children in the asiles of Target. Grogan sprang around the corner (mask on) shooting "webs" to try to swing from the shelves. Something many of us dream of, but probably have never tried to attempt. Grogan will never have regrets when it comes to testing his superhero powers. He tries to climb the walls daily at home.
Maddie is in a different phase of life. She was worked past wearing her look-alike ruby red slippers everywhere (a three year old thing) and doesn't require sleeping with her blanket anymore. However as a seven year old she SINGS everything and everywhere. She memorizes songs and makes up many of her own. The other day at Target (our home away from home) she was pushing a cart singing about the different things she saw...granola bars, bottle water, coffee, etc. Now mind you it wasn't at the top of her lungs. In fact she didn't realize she was doing it until she caught me smiling at her. I loved it. Also if she isn't singing she is TALKING. Maddie (okay, like her mother) can talk something to death. I must admit I don't giver her my full attention all of the time. I have mastered the "oh yeah's" and "really's". I do catch most of her subject matter and when I am "in the zone" she is quick to point out that I am not paying attention to her.
Unfortunately, I have many limits as a mother. Most of them relate directly to the amount of sleep I've had and if I've eaten (God forbid a miss a meal or snacktime). I am working on being more flexible, but I have a limit to the amount of times a child can jump on the couch, say "Momma" to get my attention even if I've politely told them to wait, and listen to the kids "work it out" over a favorite toy. I can only "take" so much ;-)
In essence adults have many more limits than children. We know children lack the ability to set limits for themselves (duh, that's a parent's job). So when you visit our home and you find a singing child, Cheetos on the table and Blues Clues on the television just realize that life is good for those involved.